Three Little Pigs

Porky, Hammy, and Chops, official protectors of the tax break for the 2% of Americans who have all the nation's money....

Dick Cheney in Hell

Dick has had his final heart attack and awakens in Hell. Satan comes into his room and welcomes him to Hades, which looks something like a motel room. Satan welcomes Dick and says, "You did some fine things for me up there: casting the tie-breaking vote in favor of that huge tax giveaway to the super rich; sending all those nice young men to die in Iraq; outing that poor Plame woman the way you and Scooter did; talking that silly twit Dubya into torturing all those people. My God, man, you did us proud!"

Cheney smiles and, through the side of his mouth, replies: "Well, I suppose that means I am to be an honored guest here?"

Satan says: "Most decidedly. We're going to party! I've got a lot of blue agave tequila and some fine Culiacan coke, and we can look at some fuck movies and enjoy! We can fuck ourselves, lots of good orgiastic sex."

Cheney says: "You want me to come to your place for the party?"

Satan says: "Oh, no, no, don't bother. We can do it right here. Just gonna be me and you."

Granholm for President

Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm is hot. She should be nominated by the Dems for the Top Job.

Pontiactus Non Extantus

In the mid to late 60's and early 70s, I owned a Pontiac Firebird. It was a classy car. I might have bought it to impress my friend Stephen Silverman, who drove a Datsun 340-Z, which I personally thought a piece of shit but never mentioned it to him, as he let me borrow it a time or two. I liked the Firebird and drove it through the early 70s gas crisis, with the long lines only to arrive at the pump posted with a sign: SORRY, NO GAS. Now that GM is going on the dole (and I don't mean bananas) they've promised to put their Pontiac division to rest. Pontiac had a huge reputation from its manufacture of aircraft engines during the war. The car ran well, but pseudo-sport models of any brand all were gas guzzlers. I eventually sold it to my brother Terry for about $75, informing him that it would cost a lot of money just filling it up with oil: it had a major leak and was virtually irreparable. Such is my experience with Pontiac. Sad, sad, sad....

My Chat With Wen Jiabao

I had a good long "talk" with the Chinese premier the other night, having stumbled onto him in the chat room, "Pacific Interests" by utter coincidence. I was asking how to make a good kung pao shrimp and he IM'd me with his own version, plus some advice for the United States. He said, "Your country must learn two new rules. One, quit having so many babies. Two, your next war of choice will be at someone else's expense. We can't half-sole Mr. Bush's shoes." When I protested that the economies of China and the U.S. are mutually dependent, he said, "then why are you asking me about kung pao shrimps?"

Wen coaxed said "We are puzzled by democracy. In a country that would re-elect Bush, if that is will of people then you only get president you deserve. Cowboy person. The only reason al Qaeda has not attacked you is because you redirected their attention to problems with Shias in Iraq once the U.S. invaded and allowed a Shia government to execute Saddam. You forget, bin Laden bides his time. He has time and God on his side."

I asked him what he thought of Citizen Dick Cheney's claim that the Obama administration will fumble the ball on security, allowing another mass attack by Jihadists. Wen said: "He knows that is bunk. If terrorists hit you again, look to Mideastern sectarian squabbles. By dividing Shia against Sunni you give Israel a bit of time is all."

The Time Has Come

It's time we nationalized our banking system in the manner of the Swedes.

The Short Goodbye

It wasn't even mildly amusing to see George W. Bush almost bump his head, Gerald Ford-style, in the door of the presidential helicopter whilst making his much anticipated departure from the White House lawn; flying to a nearby base, he would there be taken to his last stay at Camp David. It was the departure of a pagliaccio on his way to a final aria, or, if the Italian is inappropriate, then perhaps a bit of Spanish slang, a payaso. (Some might cavil it should be pendejo, but that's another matter.) This was the Bush who couldn't open doors, said "nuculer." and doesn't know the difference between a "character" and a "characteristic." English teachers wanted to cover their students' ears every time Bush gave a speech. He's a good ol' cheerleading boy only a father could love. How else could he get into Yale and actually graduate?

The detritus in his wake manifested itself immediately, with House minority leader John Boehner equating the Gitmo closure (which actually has a 12-month deadline) and criticizing a supposed lack of planning with, e.g., the Iraqi Misadventure, using rhetorical sleight-of-hand in a silly attempt to be the first GOP to draw and fire on Obama. An equally obnoxious Louisianna senator, caught red-handed screwing prostitutes while his wife was home playing trophy mom, dissed Obama's finance nominee. And then there is that smug, sappy-faced Mitch McComical mumbling about one thing and another -- don't the voters in the states that send these people to D.C. realize they're voting for self-serving snake oil salesmen? Their only virtue, these hacks, is bringing home the pork, and that would appear to be overdrawn at the bank, Obama signaling as much with his ban on lobbying by ex-staff members.

Then, there's that jackass John Cornyn. I begged his opponent's staff by email exchange to beg, borrow, or steal the footage of the John McCain photo op where he introduced, and was introduced by, his then "spiritual advisor," the Rev. John Hagee. There was Cornyn, that silver-haired serpent himself, standing all goofy-faced with Hagee and McCain. Shortly thereafter, Johnny Boy would have to throw Hagee under the bus: it came out that the "reverand" thought Hitler was a gift from "God" because the Jewish diaspora brought about the establishment of a Jewish state in the "Holy" land. Hey, folks, that is a necessary step in the Rapture scenario, which about a third of Americans believe. I still want to print a bumper sticker saying, "I DON'T MIND RAPTURE, I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS." (Yeah, I know, a rip-off of Woody Allen, but it works.)

It did Michelle no good to kiss Bush. Condi has been doing that for years (as well as other things we may never know). It is hard for some to grasp an administration that holds a meeting to approve of the torture of various specific detainees, enemy combatants, and so forth. Ms. Rice has been quoted as having Freudian slips in which she has imagined George W. to be her husband. Perhaps she could get a job at the Supreme Court, where one of the current justices has the best porn collection outside the Vatican and likes to force himself on co-worker women by saying things like, "Is that a pubic hair on my Coke can?"

God Damn! I am glad to see this bunch take a hike.

Why Obama MUST End the Super Rich Giveaway

I had not seen the figures before. I had only heard Faux News' claim (that twit Brit Hume was the chief culprit) that the super rich already "pay the most taxes." A Vanity Fair article, "Fairwell to All That" (Feb. 2009) shows just how irrelevant and misleading this statement is: the May, 2001 tax cut was "skewed heavily toward the affluent," and the figures and percentages tell the tale. Persons making $1 million a year paid an average of $53,000 in taxes, while persons making $20,000 a year saw their taxes cut by only $375. Do the math: the million-a-year taxpayer's bill totaled 5%; the $20K taxpayer, 18% (more than three times more). This is fundamentally unfair.

Ronald Reagan introduced the concept of a "trickle-down economy," which he and budget director David Stockman dubbed "supply side economics." It did not work then, and it isn't working now. (In fact, Stockman later quipped that he'd only been joking when he came up with the idea, and had no idea Ronnie Boy would actually put it into effect.) The super rich do not invest their gazillions in anything benefitting the poor and middle class (and that embraces most of us). Instead, they buy toys, like private jets, and invest their gargantuan discretionary monies in hedge funds and other things designed to do nothing but make them richer still. They do not NEED tax breaks.

Obama ran on a platform promising an end to crony cuts in taxes. As the Vanity Fair article pointed out, the loss of tax revenue based on the 13% difference between the two segments of the population resulted in a budget deficit of $400 billion by 2004. This was money that could have improved the infrastructure, funded "No Child Left Behind," and mortgage restructuring. In effect, Bush became a reverse Robin Hood, robbing the poor and middle class and lining the pockets of the filthy rich. Even the fabulously wealthy Warren Buffet said it was a total rip-off.

OBAMA! MAKE TAXES FAIR AND EQUAL!

Put tax reform at the top of your list of priorities and many of our economic problems will be solved. DO IT NOW!